I tried everything with schools. First Nate & his sister, Abigail, were in a private Christian school, paid for by grandparents. That didn't work because they didn't have the special education classes that he needed. I prayed about homeschooling him. The answer for him was " no ". He didn't learn well from me & being an only child for 5 yrs, he needed more socializing. Nate had 2 yrs of kindergarten because of his lack of social skills. I took he & his sister out of one Christian school & into another because the other one had special classes. Only problem, they weren't special enough for Nate. So after a couple of yrs, I moved the children into the public school system that I grew up in. I knew it was a great school system, always has been. That was the answer. He was in the special education class & it helped him to start learning. Parent / Teacher meetings were not something I looked forward to because there were always a lot of areas to address. The more I read about ADHD, ( remember in those days, ADHD was still new, ) the more I had to teach the teachers what worked best for him. I was tutoring both children in the evenings, to help them with their homework. They were both slow readers & homework took 3-4 hrs each night.
The best thing that happened for me during this time, of my 3 yrs of being a single mom, was meeting my future husband. We dated for two yrs, as we needed to get to know each other well, plus the divorce process was rather lengthy, because my " ex " made it that way. During this time, my now absolutely wonderful husband, Art, ( we have been married, now, nearly 11 yrs, ) was also getting to know the children. I was watching closely to see how he worked with them & he was watching me closely, for the same reason. Obviously, we both passed the test, : ) . When we got married, Dec 1997, Abigail was 10, Nate was 15. Abigail adored her new dad, Nate didn't. Nate actually didn't fully understand that we were truly getting married. He thought we were joking. Art & I had our work cut out for us. Change is very difficult for those with Asperger's. But, we still didn't have that diagnosis yet. Asperger's & ADHD are very difficult to distinguish & in those days, few knew about Asperger's. Neither Nate's psychiatrist, nor the counselor, knew it existed, I was to find out later.
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2 comments:
Wow. Your courtship alone must be an amazing story. I was fortunate to find my wife before we had children. It must be especially difficult to even contemplate a marriage that launches into the middle of a life with special needs children. You are both amazing people. God Bless you.
Well, Bob,
Art & I honestly felt, from the start of our courtship, that we were meant to be together & that together the Lord would help us to guide Nate. I was impressed with how well Art worked with Nate, during our courtship & he was impressed with my raising of Nate. We came to believe, early on, that our unity was for more than just us.
Interestingly 50 % of marriages with special needs children, breaks up, as my first one did. That's why I was so very careful the 2nd time around. Art & I have always worked very well together with Nate, and when one of us isn't ready to help him, the other usually is.
Thanks for your comment.
Patricia
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